Tips for Developing a Balanced Perspective on Thoughts

Want to hear something that keeps me up at night? Eight out of ten marketing initiatives I've tried in the past 18 months have fallen flat. Not just a little short — WAY short of my goals. It's been demoralizing. 😩 After pouring my heart into creating valuable content and programs that deliver real, tangible value -- solving the most critical problems of my audience -- seeing minimal results has kicked my inner critic into overdrive. But recently I discovered two powerful techniques from Dr. Ethan Kross on the Huberman Lab podcast (GREAT show, btw!) that changed how I handle these moments of doubt. The first seems oddly simple: Talk to yourself in the third person. Instead of spiraling with thoughts like "Why can't I make this work?" I started asking "What should Ed learn from this experience?" Or... "What should Ed do about this?" This tiny shift helped me step back and look at the situation like I was advising a colleague. The second technique is equally powerful: Create temporal distance. When a recent marketing effort generated just a fraction of the results I'd hoped for, I asked myself, "How will I feel about this a year from now or 5 years from today?" Suddenly, this "failure" felt less like a catastrophe and more like a data point in my larger journey. Here's what fascinates me: These techniques don't make the disappointment vanish. That's not the goal. Instead, they help you see the situation more clearly, without the emotional storm clouding your judgment. Maybe you're facing your own version of this challenge -- having an overactive inner critic that's living rent-free in your head. If so, try creating this double distance in both perspective and time. Watch how quickly it helps you move from frustration to focused problem-solving. Because sometimes, the key to taming that critical voice isn't fighting it head-on... it's simply taking a step back to see the bigger picture.

Anxiety is a master storyteller, weaving narratives of worst-case scenarios, self-doubt, and impending doom. It thrives on uncertainty, convincing us that our fears are facts rather than fleeting thoughts. But here’s something powerful to remember: thoughts are not reality—they are simply mental events. When we allow anxious thoughts to go unchecked, they can spiral into overwhelming distress. But when we pause and challenge them, we take back control. This isn’t about suppressing anxiety—it’s about developing a healthier relationship with our thoughts. How can we challenge anxious thinking? ✨ Separate facts from assumptions "Do I have undeniable proof that what I'm thinking is 100% true?" Our minds often fill in gaps with assumptions, creating distorted beliefs. Asking for concrete evidence forces us to see beyond our fears. ✨ Assess likelihood vs. possibility "How likely is it that this will actually happen?" Anxiety makes rare possibilities feel like certainties. Acknowledging probabilities helps put worries into perspective. ✨ Examine helpfulness "Is worrying about this helping me or hurting me?" Rumination keeps us stuck in fear, while constructive problem-solving moves us forward. Recognizing the difference is key. ✨ Shift perspectives "What would I say to a friend who was having these thoughts?" We tend to be far more compassionate toward others than ourselves. Speaking to ourselves with the same kindness can shift our mindset. ✨ Consider the bigger picture "Will this matter in a day, a month, or a year?" Anxiety magnifies problems, making them feel all-consuming. Taking a long-term view helps us see that many of our fears will fade with time. ✨ Identify thinking traps "Am I falling into a cognitive distortion?" Common thinking traps include catastrophizing (assuming the worst), black-and-white thinking (viewing situations as all good or all bad), and mind-reading (assuming we know what others think). Recognizing these patterns allows us to break free from them. ✨ Trust in resilience "Have I coped with challenges before? Can I do it again?" We often underestimate our own strength. Reflecting on past difficulties we've overcome reinforces our ability to navigate current struggles. Rewiring the Way We Think Challenging anxious thoughts isn’t about dismissing them—it’s about creating distance between our emotions and reality. When we engage in this practice consistently, we begin to rewire our brains for greater emotional regulation, clarity, and inner peace. Anxiety may still whisper, but we don’t have to believe everything it says. We have the power to respond differently. How do you challenge anxious thoughts in your daily life? Let’s open up the conversation. 💙 #AnxietyRelief #CognitiveReframing #MentalHealthAwareness #MindsetShift #SelfCompassion

Too Much To Do and To Little Time to Do It….Ugh Monday is tomorrow!  When can you catch a break ! From being a combat veteran  To being a husband and father  To CISO, business executive and CEO Stress can get out of control – I like to use Sundays as a time for focused personal development. From reading a book to Rucking (or other heavy workouts) to journaling about what I am grateful for. Sundays are a great time to pause and see the bigger picture. Strategic Reflection Session: Dedicate 60 minutes each Sunday to reflect on the past week's critical decisions, their reasoning, and outcomes. Analyze how these align with your broader life and career objectives. This deliberate reflection aids in developing deeper strategic insights and enhances the ability to predict and manage future challenges. Learning from Diverse Fields: Every other week, commit to reading or attending a seminar outside your usual field of expertise but relevant to leadership, cybersecurity, or relationships. Delve into behavioral economics, military strategy, or organizational psychology to broaden your perspective, strengthen your strategic thinking, and improve your capability to identify and mitigate complex security issues. Self-Awareness: Closely to your inner dialogue, particularly during stressful or negative moments. Identify recurring thought patterns, such as tendencies to catastrophize or self-criticize. Approach these thoughts with curiosity rather than judgment, and understand their impact on your emotions and behavior. Evidence Examination: Question the validity of your negative thoughts. Assess the evidence supporting these beliefs and consider alternative viewpoints. Reminding yourself of past achievements and strengths can counteract negative assumptions and help you view situations more objectively. Narrative Change: Words can shape reality, making it essential to transform your internal narrative. Shift from negative or critical self-talk to more positive or neutral language, fostering a mindset of learning and growth rather than failure and inadequacy. Perspective Shift: Offer yourself the same compassion and advice you would give a friend in a similar situation. This shift towards a more empathetic and realistic view of your circumstances can lead to a more balanced and positive outlook. Present-Moment Focus: Concentrate on the present to break free from the cycle of negative thoughts tied to past regrets or future anxieties. Mindfulness practices help you stay focused now, enhance your awareness of the immediate environment, and promote mental stability. Incorporating these practices into your Sunday routine can lead to significant personal and professional growth, enabling you to approach life with a more strategic, informed, and positive mindset. Great people to follow on this topic Jon Macaskill Herb Thompson Atlas Aultman Ashwin Krishnan Jason Firch, MBA #CISO #CEO #CIO #Cybersecurity #Leadership #personaldevelopment #mindfulness

Ever felt unwieldy, nervous or anxious? Dark clouds hanging over your head? I know I have. 😫 Days I had anxiety and panic attacks prior to new trainings. 😣 Moments when I was criticized. 😓 Situations where I felt I had failed. Each of these amplified rousing negative feelings. Fortunately, I've gone through much of these and curated a list of ways I used to cope with them. See if these strategies (simply put) can open the doors to help you master your mind better! 1. Reframing (NLP) NLP uses the technique of reframing to change how a person perceives an event or situation, thereby changing its meaning and impact. Anxious = high energy; fear of being an imposter on stage = allocate preparation time. 2. Anchoring (NLP) Anchoring involves creating a stimulus-response pattern where a person can elicit a desired emotional state (e.g., calmness, confidence) by triggering a sensory anchor (such as touching a finger and thumb together). I have anchors for peace, confidence, compassion and excitement. 3. Swish Pattern (NLP) This technique involves creating neurological associations between a trigger and a desired behavior. Visualize the negative scenario and then send it away rapidly, replacing it with a positive image or set of actions, clear the mind, then repeat this until the trigger leads to evidence of acting on the desired behavior. 4. Mindfulness (Positive Psychology) Practices such as mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce the anxiety. 5. Self-Talk (Sport Psychology) Inner conversations that are negative are often a result of not preparing your own internal script. Decide what is resourceful to say to yourself with (a) motivational phrases (under conditions of self belief) or (b) procedural instructions (under conditions of a sense of threat). 6. Challenging Irrational Thoughts Once negative thoughts are identified and evaluated, the next step is to challenge and dispute these irrational beliefs. Ask questions like, "What is the evidence for this thought?", "What could I tell a friend if they had this thought?", and "Is there a more balanced way of looking at this situation?" Hope these help you see that there are possibilities out there to support you in handling the inner world during difficult situations. Remember that what you are feeling is just a product of your brain, history and meanings. You can certainly find ways out of them using some of these simple tools for growth and mastery. Do you have any questions or experiences about of these approaches? Do share them in comments! 😊

How to stop overthinking? Today, Aaliyah asks: — “How do I quit obsessing over past screw-ups?” — Welcome to Episode 70 of AskMatty! Here’s my answer, Aaliyah: — Let’s try this exercise. I did something similar back when I was an athlete after “bad races.” 1.    First off, write down the specific mistake or failure you’ve been thinking about a lot. For example: →    I missed an important deadline at work. 2.    Now, reflect on how this mistake makes you feel. Write down the emotions it brings up for you. For example: →    I feel “guilt” →    I feel “shame” →    I feel “regret” →    I feel “anger” →    I feel “sadness” Just be aware of your emotions associated with that mistake. 3.    Now ask yourself: →    How has dwelling on this mistake affected my thoughts, feelings, behavior, and/or relationships? For example: →    It made me feel less confident and worried about my job. This way, you’ll be more aware of the impact of that mistake. At the same time, you’ll be more motivated to improve your “relationship” with it. 4.    Alright! Now it’s time to challenge your negative thoughts. Ask yourself these 2 questions: →    What negative thoughts or beliefs do I have about myself related to this mistake? →    What is a more balanced and compassionate perspective to this thought? For example: →    "I'm not good enough at my job" (Negative thought) →    “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. This doesn't mean I'm not capable. It's an opportunity to learn and improve" (Compassionate perspective) 5.    Now my favorite part — stick with me! We can learn a lot from our mistakes, right? “Um, right Matty!” Great! So, let’s extract a lesson from that mistake. “Um, how…?” Simple! Ask yourself: →    What valuable lessons can I extract from what happened? For example, your lesson could be: →    I’ve learned the importance of double-checking details before submitting work” 6.    Okay! Final step! Let’s transform that lesson into a mantra. “Um, a mantra?” Yes, a mantra. Your mantra has to be: →    Up to 8 words long →    Phrased positively →    Stated as a directive For example, the mantra extracted from your lessons could be: →    “Double check details before submitting work!” As you see: →    It's up to 8 words →    It’s a positive statement →    It’s stated as a directive And guess what? Over the next 30 days, you're gonna repeat it every day. So you can internalize that special lesson into your life. That’s it. At the end of the day, it’s all about perspective, right? Those past screw-ups are really special — if you look at them with the right lens. — Alright! Thanks for your question, Aaliyah. Question of the day: →    What’s your favorite mantra? “Let’s build a more inclusive world by spreading wellbeing globally!” – Matty 

I had 48,000 negative thoughts yesterday…you probably did too. It felt that way anyway, and research backs it up. According to a Stanford study, human beings have up to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 95% are the same as yesterday and 80% are negative. Learning to shift from negative thought patterns into more powerful thinking has been an extremely challenging work in progress... But there are three important steps that have a dramatic effect when I practice them consistently. Step one: ↳ Awareness. Andy Puddicombe from Headspace has this great way of putting it: think of your thoughts as clouds just passing by. If you see one that looks like a dog, you don't start interacting with it like it's a real dog, right? But with my own thoughts, I often get caught up interacting with them as if they're the absolute truth instead of just observing them with curiosity. “Huh, that’s an interesting thought.” Step two: ↳ Gratitude. I list five gratitudes for what I have each morning and spend five minutes acknowledging my own day’s effort each night. It shifts something inside me and reminds me to be proud of my own efforts regardless of whether anybody notices. Step three: ↳ Health. Prioritizing my physical health for mental health gains. Over the past few years, my commitments to going to bed early, exercising daily, and eating well fell off dramatically. And I'm amazed at how significant the effect was on my mental and emotional health. I didn’t notice it at first, but in aggregate it was severe. Now, six months into reprioritizing my daily commitment to lifting, walking, and eating well, it’s remarkable how much better I’m feeling. Those three things are making an enormous difference. These are only a few things I've been working on to shift my focus away from negative thoughts and circumstances. It's a daily practice—imperfect but genuine, but something that’s having a significant impact. I'd love to know...what strategies have you found that help you shift away from negative thoughts? Is there one practice that has made the biggest difference for you?

Unhappy with your outcomes? It might be time to check in with your thoughts🧠 Are you thinking thoughts that lead to >actions you regret, >words you didn’t intend, >and emotions you’d rather not feel? It’s a common experience, but you have the power to change it💪 We often focus on our actions and outcomes🎯 What if I told you that the key to success and fulfillment is in how we manage our thoughts? ➡️Thoughts → Feelings → Actions. This sequence is the core of self-discipline. Our thoughts lead to our actions. But between are our emotions. You can’t always control the waves of feelings that come your way, but you can learn to surf. Thought monitoring is not about suppressing emotions; it’s about understanding their roots and navigating them with intention. ✅Here’s a practical tip: When a strong emotion arises, trace it back to the thought that triggered it. Challenge it by asking: ↳Is it true? ↳Is it helpful? ↳Is it necessary? By consistently managing your thoughts, you create a mindset that leads to positive emotions and effective actions. Remember, self-discipline doesn’t mean rigidity; it's about understanding where emotions stem from and handling them purposefully. As a coach and a leader, I’ve seen the power of this practice. It’s not just about emotional intelligence; it’s about emotional architecture—designing an inner landscape that supports your outer goals. When did changing your thoughts alter the result? Share in the comments! #LeadershipDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #SelfDiscipline #ThoughtLeadership #PersonalDevelopment